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This weekend past happened to be both Australia Day and the 21st birthday of one of my oldest friends and safe to say it has just been the most fabulous weekend. I’ve known the friend in question - I’ll call her Miss Bennet since she’s a huge Jane Austin fan - since we were in mothers group. We’ve now known each other so long that I have to clarify that statement by saying we were the babies.

At the party no one got drunk.
The after party consisted of playing barefoot lawn bowls and eating leftovers.
And the birthday girl wore slippers throughout (except for the barefoot lawn bowls part where she was, funnily enough, barefoot).

That’s the thing I love about this friend. Despite the fact that she is brilliant (I mean that literally, she got ranked in the top 0.5% of Australia when we finished school) and beautiful and so damn lovely you really should hate her for seemingly having it all but you can’t because she’s just so nice; she’s also unbelievably down to earth, dorky and unashamed of it. There’s just no pretence with her and it’s so refreshing. The whole party was so relaxing and laid back and it really suited her.

Now the reason I tell you this is because it’s so opposite to what I normally experience with my best friend - we’ll call her Frodo because she is the Frodo to my Sam. Don’t get me wrong, I love Frodo with every part of me and I really can only describe her as my best friend but our ideas of a party are very very different. Frodo is a heavy drinker who spends a lot of time with very difficult dramatic people (who she doesn’t even like…)

I can honestly say I don’t have a problem with that sort of behaviour, she’s more than welcome to do so but I really don’t enjoy it. Most of you guys will be aware of my health issues and because of that, I try not to drink too much. I have absolutely no interest in drugs. I hate clubs because I get claustrophobic with that many people around and I don’t like the music anyway and by 10:30 I really just want to be home and in bed. I also work Friday’s and Saturday’s compared to Frodo who works Monday and Tuesday.

And I’m really, really sick of pressured to go out with these people who I don’t even like.
When I do go, it’s always “one more drink,” “one more bar,” “stay one more hour.”

She consistently asks me out on Friday nights when she knows I hate going out after work. Part of my condition is constant fatigue and I just don’t have that much energy to expend after I’ve been working. And heaven forbid I ask to do something on a night before she has to work.

She asked me to go out with them last Friday and I said no.
She hasn’t spoken to me since.

I know there’s probably a rational explanation but it still feels like she’s sulking and then I feel guilty for turning her down again. I often feel like being chronically ill is a very isolating experience because I can’t or don’t enjoy most of the things other people my age enjoy but if it’s one thing I learned from this weekend, it’s that perhaps it’s not me. I had such a great time with Miss Bennet and her friends. Perhaps I’m just spending time with the wrong people.


( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 27th, 2014 01:31 pm (UTC)
It's hard to be friend with someone so different. Have you tried explaining to her your views, she prob know already you don't like going out and drinking too much so she should understand when you decline her invites.

Maybe suggest a meetup for an activity you would enjoy, like maybe a brunch where you could discuss things out?
Jan. 27th, 2014 06:01 pm (UTC)
It seems like she doesn't have a clue how much this affects you because she's focused on her fun. She's really gotta open her eyes and see what it's doing to you before she ends up ruining the friendship. Maybe you do need a few friends that are more your speed, but I do have friends just as busy and I love them (but they know I can't keep up with all that) and they don't try to pressure me into it. They just love me for who I am, and enjoy the things we can do together. Sounds like that's what she needs to do.
Jan. 27th, 2014 07:00 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I don't think it's you either, it's probably just the people you hang out with. If she can't understand how you are tired or how you're just not in the mood because you work on the weekends, then it's her problem if she is sulking about it.
Jan. 28th, 2014 05:47 am (UTC)
Honestly, if she can't have empathy for your tiredness and respect that those kinds of things are both not enjoyable for you and actually rather draining, she's not being a very good friend.
Jan. 29th, 2014 02:40 am (UTC)
I've had a problem like this occur in the past. I think you're absolutely right! You might be spending time with the wrong people. You shouldn't feel pressured to do anything you don't want to, nor guilty for declining. It would be good to stick with the people that make you feel comfortable.

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )